What’s kind of like a cross between the World Cup and American Idol, and has been broadcast annually since 1956? Besides your mom, that is. If you don’t know (this seems to be a particularly American affliction), then you’re missing out on one of the largest secrets of Europe (as well as the Maghreb and Levant), what between 100 and 600 million people watch every year. It’s called Eurovision, and we are currently a mere one month and six days from the live broadcast of Eurovision 2009 from Moscow.
If you’re wondering what the fuck I’m talking about, here’s a quick rundown:
Eurovision has been broadcast annually since 1956. It was conceived as a way to help rebuild morale in postwar Europe by frenchman Marcel Bezençon.
Seven countries participated initially, and in 2009 we’re up to 42! Only 25 compete in the final competition, though, which means that there are also two semi-finals (May 12 and 14).
Participating countries can select their representative song either through public competition (most do this) or internal decision.
Four countries (Germany, Spain, France, and the UK) don’t have to compete in the semi-finals, because they provide so much financial support. They always go straight to the finals, as does the host country’s (last year’s winner’s) entry.
And you can’t vote for your own country.
It used to be that the host country had to provide a live orchestra, in case anyone needed it to back them. In fact, it was this way until 1998, but now no longer. The only thing required to be live now is vocals (both lead and backing), but everything else can be pre-recorded.
Since you’re trying to curry the favor of pretty much all of Europe, most entries are pretty bland bubble gum type pop music. In 2006 Finland broke damn near every rule, however, withtheir entry, the metal band Lordi’s song “Hard Rock Hallelujah.” We’ll get to that in a minute though, because I know that you know some other Eurovision winners from years past. I’m going to get a little youtube crazy here, but don’t feel obligated to watch more than few seconds from each-- they’re just here for you to get the vibe.
Switzerland, neutral as ever, was the first host country in 1956, and also won first place that year with “Refrain” by Lys Assia. They didn’t get another first place until 1988, though, with a song called “Ne Partez Pas Sans Moi,” sung by a then-unknown and kind of awkward Canadian singer:
Yep, that’s right, Céline Dion. You don’t have to actually be from the country you’re representing, though in the past you may have had to sing in one of its official languages.
And who can forget 1974, the year that Sweden won for the first time? I bet you can guess who their entrant was:
Correct! That’s Abba, doing “Waterloo.” Eurovision made them famous (just like Meryl Streep made them cry). And I can’t resist doing one more disco-era entry, Germany’s (in)famous Dschinghis Khan, singing their eponymous hit:
Whoever said historical disco was bound to fail was wrong, wrong, wrong. As they proved with their other hits, “Moskau,” “Samurai,” and “Rocking Son of Dschinghis Khan.”
Recently, most Eurovision entries have tended to sound either a lot like that Céline Dion ballad or updated versions of those disco songs. In 2006 Finland shocked and amazed the world, first by selecting Lordi, a crazy metal band, to represent themselves (I remember reading this NYT article), and then by winning Eurovision, for the first time ever, in an epic fucking landslide (292 votes!). Bear in mind what you’ve just watched, and then look at this:
My favorite is the flames shooting out of the stage. Though they may have a slightly edgier approach, it’s actually not all that different from a lot of other Eurovision winners-- a melodramatic and kind of schmaltzy, over-the-top presentation, and lyrics that make me want to cry:
The walls come down like thunder
The rock’s about to roll
It’s the arockalypse
Now bare your soul
The rock’s about to roll, indeed. The downside of their victory is that there’s now a third category of Eurovision entries: insipid, shitty rock songs. Thank you Lordi, for this, your legacy.
Okay! The good news is that now you have a context for Eurovision. You are ready to begin preparing for this year’s competition. In the coming weeks, I will do my best to present the Eurovision 2009 Contestants, talk a little about them, and show you some truly terrible youtube videos. Let it begin!
Tags: abba, celine dion, dschinghis khan, eurovision, finland, lordi, russia, switzerland, video
